Me, Kate - KtBlEyes

I want to write this post before I go back and read what I have already posted before in this blog. This is a new year and another chance for me. I have no excuses to fail. I have already used them up many times before. I have been doing pretty well since I had Heart Ablation on Oct. 25, 2011. I ended up back in the hospital on the 29th because of medication issues. I really want to get off of Multaq, but that is another story for another time. Since my ablation, this is the second one I have had, I have lost 5 lbs. I am proud of that, but I know I could have done much better. I am having issues right now. Same old ones probably. Why I don't love myself is beyond me. Perhaps I feel deep down inside that I really don't deserve it. I have only had one dream in my lifetime. (or so I thought) That was to be a Mom and have the best children ever. I have attained that goal. My mistake has been not to look beyond that goal. I have had another Dream however, one I never even considered to BE a Dream. How silly is that? Pretty silly. Anyway, that dream is to be a thin person. I have spent a lot of money trying to get there. I have fallen on and off of more "diets" than I can name. I have tried nearly all of them. Some with success, but none that I could keep up. I have learned in the past several years that dieting per say won't work for me. Eating right is what I need to do. Eating like a quote "normal" person. So, I try to do that. Some days I do alright, most of them really. I only fall off occasionally. I tend to fall into that category when I fall off, I give up. This time I have not beat myself up when I fell off. I can no longer do that. Dear Hubby and I have begun to work out together for the first time in our lives. We have gotten pretty fit during the late summer and fall. If only we had begun earlier in the season. That is water under the bridge. Next Spring will be great. We are at last working as a team. I decided to use this blog as my log of my journey to eating right again, at all times. It will keep me accountable. If I have to write it down here, I will think more before putting it into my mouth. I know this will work. It has to. I have to get some weight off so I can get off of some of the medicines I am on now for my heart. I know that losing weight will work toward that end. Why I have not done this sooner is really not known to me at this time. Maybe it will come out now that I am keeping a journal about it. I also continue to do my Art Journaling. I have still not been able to really connect the two journals together, perhaps I never will. I know that I will do better tomorrow. I promise myself and you all out there that I will. This is MY time. At last. It is way overdue. Help me keep up the journey. Comments are welcome. If you want to encourage me, look me up on Facebook. Thanks and here I go.

Even though I did not get my year started too well on the first of Jan., it is never too late to start. Hugs to me and to all who read this someday. Kate