Sitting by the Dock of the Bay

Ok, not the bay, but the Lake?! Yeah, that is my story and I am sticking to it. I love going to the Lake. It is one place where I always feel Happy, truly Happy. Not pretending to be happy. I did that for so many years, I even convinced myself. I acted happy because that is what I thought it took to really be happy. Looking back on my past, it kinda scares me. It scares me because I came to a couple of realizations the other day. I think I have ADHD and maybe even Manic Depressive, or whatever they call that nowadays. I have been thinking about things that teachers said to my Mom. "Kathy is a dreamer". "She seems to drift away, and I have to get her attention to bring her back." "I know she could do better, she is just lazy." But, I wasn't lazy. I was confused and lost. I drifted away because it was a better place to be. I drifted because most of the time I did not understand. Everyone seemed to "get it", except I didn't. I just faked it. I never said anything to my parents or grandparents because I did not want to embaress myself or the rest of the family. If only someone would have recognized and helped me. Instead they put me on a diet when my weight began to go up. I had a good friend when I was about 9. He listened. He cared. He was my mentor. He made me feel like I was important. He made me feel accepted and loved. He was in his 80s. Something happened or didn't happen and my Mom went a bit crazy and did not let me see that man ever again. His name was Mr. Sims. I still miss him. I miss the times we talked. I miss the way he made me feel. I miss that unconditional love. He saw me. He listened to me. He heard me. I think he was my first love. Not the physical kind. Just the friendship kind. Too bad it had to end, I think he would have helped me in my future life. Hugs to his spirit. He was a true friend. Bye Mr. Sims. *Sigh*, I don't even remember his first name. Goodbye Mr. Sims, my first friend.