Me

I will be delving into myself. Thinking out loud, so to speak. Wondering when and why things went down the wrong path when I was a child. Why and what happened or was said that triggered my beginning to use food to fix my hurts, my failures, my not feeling enough love. I am not sure what the answer is, or if there even is one. I know I am not alone in this venture. I only know that I will find out how to fix my pain. I have to. Before it is too late. I have many health issues. Until a few years ago, I truthfully did not care. I figured I would get healthy some day. Or, that when I began to have problems with my health, THEN I would get serious about losing those excess pounds. I have been on some form of diet my entire life. I was about 10 when I first began to hear that I needed to lose weight. I was out of the norm. All I knew was that when I ate that cake and or ice cream, I truly did feel so much better. At least for a little while. Oh, if only they had gone on walks with me instead of trying to limit how much I ate. I felt like I was not worthy. I know that no one meant for me to feel that way. They were only trying to help me. Then I loved the way that those sweets made me feel. AAAhhhhh. For a while I was on cloud nine. Then pow the floor would fall out and I would feel bad. I felt bad when kids began to tease me and call me names. I did not understand what was going on with my body. It was always up and down emotionally. Anyway, I am getting off the track. I have decided to write my feelings here instead of going to the cupboards or the fridge.